I don’t normally spend much time studying daytime television (yeah, I called it studying..) but I have noticed a few things. Admittedly it could be these things only happen on my day off from the grind but I hesitate to accept that. Despite living in the 21st Century advertisers and television executives clearly believe only women watch television between 9 a.m. and 3 p.m.

Either that or men don’t take any notice of those adverts that suggest everyone has a daily digestion dilemma and can’t move their bowels without medication or conversely can’t stop them moving without tablets and yoghurts full of live bacteria. 

If they surveyed my home for  a clue they might have discovered that men have long since stopped watching all adverts and  actually  now know exactly how long they last, meaning we can flick the channel and watch two an a half minutes of whatever else is on before returning just in time for the restart, avoiding all the sales pitches.

From this period of study though I have discovered some salient information regarding the alternative sex.

1. You/They all obsess about killing every germ and bacteria in existence,all the time,everywhere.

2. Harsh chemicals ruin your hands therefore..

3.Women need to replenish skin moisture at least once every hour if not more often on all reachable skin.

4.All women who manage to leave the house without dehydrated skin or constipation will inevitably fall foul of flu or cold symptoms before lunchtime.

5.Women who are otherwise healthy still leak bodily fluids constantly. This will stop them from the daily regime of skydiving,athletics and global domination.

6.To accomplish all the above requires vast amounts of ready cash,available from lots of nice online lenders at only 7894522…% interest…

7.Borrowing money leads to stress induce headaches..therefore daytime viewers buy more headache pills than cornflakes.

8.When buying cornflakes, body shape and sound effects are more important than nutrients but are second only to fibre because,as we know,there’s that constipation issue.

9.When busy shopping for constipation cures,slimline cornflakes and bulk skin care, shoppers always have time to stop and chat with sales demonstrators, even to sit and discuss personal hygiene or dental care for hours. Oddly, none of these people seem to frequent the shops or High Streets I visit.

10.To round off a busy day shopping, cleaning and frequently visiting the toilet, women wind down with wine, hidden chocolate and a meal shared with a small dog which eats better than it’s owner, clearly not plagued by stomach trouble or headaches or tooth decay. Maybe it spends the day alone rubbing it’s backside on all the clean surfaces too. 

These are the results of my own free survey but maybe, just maybe, I could be wrong and they all play bingo instead!

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