Why do we do it?

I volunteered to go shopping with my wife and daughter today. No, I wasn’t coerced or threatened, blackmailed or bribed. I volunteered. It had been raining all morning, I couldn’t get to the plot or even out on the bike so,as the rugby wasn’t due until later, I decided to get off the sofa and enjoy some fresh,if wet, air.

Then it struck me as I slogged around the aisles: I was not alone. There was an army of retail zombies, similarly trudging along gripping onto the handles of their wobbly wheeled crutches. Wives and partners were mindlessly throwing  tins,packets and bottles into the trollies as the poor spouses where desperately searching for the kitchen tools aisle, hoping for sharp blades to throw themselves onto.

I managed to gain some light relief from the bizarrely located racks of trivia that are interspersed between the beans and bread rolls. I soon started fantasizing about one day building up a collection of Matchbox miniature cars purchased only from numerous Tesco outlets across the globe. I tried to imagine the relevance of packets of speciality peanuts to the ladies hygiene products they sat between, I stared in awe at the leap in price between nice English traditional, milkmaid caps and rosy cheeked urchin honey and the miracle performing trans-global celebrity munuka honey.

Anyway, away from the ramblings, it occurred to me that if you are not the poor sap carefully filling your basket with everyday items as if  ‘The List’ had a death penalty for failures, then trudging through a supermarket is in fact a very, no very very, in fact incredibly very, dull waste of an hour.

Instead of driving us poor financially battered shoppers to attempting to slash our own wrists with the nuclear proof plastic wrapping on the mens razor blades, why don’t they introduce some eye-catching distractions, sorry, attractions that might make this weekly/daily/monthly torture more bearable?

I don’t need a travelling circus, with gaily coloured tumblers following or preceding me around the store, just the occasional shelf edge information poster, maybe a visual display showing highlights of the football/Rugby?

Just please, for the sanity of all us poor trolley wielding lifeless trolls, can we please have some light relief?

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